The Litter Box

~ Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Dumb User: I haven't been able to get on the internet, it get on then I'm off, then I restart my computer, then I'm on and go to one page then I'm off...
Me: OK, let me take a look at that for you. (verify) OK, Mr. Duh, let's take a look.
DU: I should also tell you that when ever I have to shut down my computer to get the internet back, I get a DDE server error message.
Me: OK, well, that's an issue with Microsoft talking to another application on your computer, and not something I can help with. Meantime, lets see if a release and renew helps. What windows are you running?
DU: I don't know.
Me: XP?
DU: No, I think it's 2000.
Me: ok, and are you running a router?
DU: A router?
Me: Yeah, it's a box between your modem and your computer that allows 2 or more...
DU: ....yeah yeah yeah I have a router.
Me: (gritting my teeth because I hate being interrupted) OK, so you're running 2000 behind a router.
DU: Yeah.
Me: OK, well I've pulled up your modem and it's been online for 36 hours now, so the problem seems to lie in the computer, probably something to do with that DDE error. You can try to release and renew your IP address instead of rebooting your computer and see if that works. If it does, and you get hit your router, then you know for sure it's the computer.
DU: How do I do that?
Me: Click on Start, go to Run, type in COMMAND, then click ok, you should get a black window.
DU: I do.
Me: OK, type in ipconfig and hit enter, it will give you information on your network. What's your IP address? Should be a 192.168 number if it sees the router.
DU: It says (IP).
Me: OK. Do you have the router set to spoofing your IP?
DU: What?
Me: If you're behind a router, you should be pulling a different IP than that.
DU: Oh. What should I be getting?
Me: 192.168 number
DU: I don't have that.
Me: I know. Are you sure you have a router?
DU: Yeah.
Me: ok, How are you connecting the modem to the router?
DU: well, the modem goes to the router, then the router goes tothe tv, then outside.
Me: ..... That's not a router, Sir, that's a splitter.
DU: Oh.
Me: Do you have anything between the modem and the computer?
DU: I don't know.
Me: OK, well, look at the modem, and you should have 3 cables.
DU: Yeah.
Me: OK, look at the cable that looks like a big fat telephone plug.
DU: OK.
Me: Where does it go?
DU: To the modem.
Me: ....... No, on the other end. Where does the other end go?
DU: Uh...it goes to the computer.
Me: OK. So you DON'T have a router, then.
DU: No.
Me: (sigh) OK. Let's try to release and renew the IP then. Go back to your black indow.
DU: OK.
Me: Type in IPCONFIG /release
DU: ok
Me: Hit enter.
DU: ok
Me: What IP does it give you? Should be all zero's.
DU: No, it gives me this information about what to type.
Me: ?? What does it say?
DU: It says I can release all and some other things.
Me: (ok, maybe he can't spell or type or something) OK, that's i.p.c.o.n.f.i.g. then a space, then a slash, then r.e.l.e.a.s.e.
DU: OK
Me: then enter.
DU: gave me those release all option again.
Me: OK, read the whole thing.
DU: OK, it says, "Windows 98 IP"
Me: Windows 98?
DU: Yeah.
Me: You said you had Windows 2000.
DU: Oh.
Me: So you're running 98 directly to the modem.
DU: I guess.
Me: (checking the system tools because I don't trust this ass anymore) Sir, You went on seasonal service in January.
DU: Yeah.
Me: Are you home now?
DU: Yeah.
Me: So you want me to TURN YOUR INTERNET BACK ON?
DU: Yeah.

I don't have the heart to go through resetting his modem and computer...I'll cry if I relive it....

posted by Nikki B at 11:18:00 AM